The Book of Good Manners: a Guide to Polite Usage for all Social Functions
by Victor H. Diescher
Social Culture Publications, NY
© 1923
Chapter X -- Longer Letters: Tonics for Anemic Letters
Not everyone is gifted to write the smooth, breezy letter. Possessed of the know how and the ambition to improve, most anyone can, however write a letter that will please the average recipient. Letter writing, like many other of the chivalric courtesies and duties, is unfortunately on the decline. Many people abhor having to write letters. Perhaps it is because they experience difficulties and are not pleased with the letters they write. With the hope that the reader is one of the number who, though not frequent letter writers, are nevertheless desirous of improving those letters which necessity demands, the following brief instructions are dedicated:
Begin at the Beginning!
The successful story-teller tries to interest the reader with the very first sentence. Shakespeare in Macbeth in a few lines of the first scene strikes the keynote to the entire tragedy. Since every letter is in a measure a story, the matter of creating interest may be accomplished in precisely this same way. The old-fashioned school method of dividing a composition into an introduction, body and conclusion is not the best method for obtaining interest. Master writers dispense with the introduction and go directly about their business of telling the story.
Begin at the beginning! A few attempts will convince you that this is not so difficult as it sounds and you will find that you yourself are beginning to take more interest in the letters you write. As each one improves and your correspondence increases you will take a greater pride in writing pleasing letters. Your responses will be more interesting, which is a sure sign that your correspondents have noted your improvement.
Of course, the success of a letter does not depend wholly upon the beginning. The entire letter may speak of several different subjects, and yet present a unified and connected whole. If, for example, your first paragraph tells of a sleighing party which was a joyous and hilarious occasion, and in your next paragraph you wish to tell about a funeral, even two such paragraphs need not appear as two entirely distinctive parts of the letter.The funeral paragraph may begin somewhat like this: And after such an enjoyable evening came a very sorrowful morning. Poor Kitty! etc. By carrying the thought of the first paragraph momentarily into the next and carrying the two, you obtain coherence, and your letters are not rambling, unconnected discourses.
When an Apology is Required
Most people postpone their letter writing so long that ultimately an apology becomes necessary. And the longer the delay the more difficult it is to begin to write, and the harder the beginning the less desirous one becomes of starting at all. When you are in this position don't begin by asking the other person to excuse you because you hate to write letters, for this seems rather a reflection on your interest in the other person. Haven't you often received a letter with such a beginning and thought to yourself, Its too bad about her, but if it cause her so much inconvenience to write me a little letter I had rather spare her the trouble? And do you then blame people who receive such introductions from you for feeling the same way?
Wouldn't a beginning like this be better: You haven't been thinking for a minute that I have forgotten you, have you, Anna dear? You know that here in the city one's time is not one's own and that dear friends must often be shamefully neglected in the hustle and bustle for the daily bread. Or perhaps you might say: It seems that some unkind spirit has tried to prevent my writing you, but my determination was victor over the will of the other.
Stop at the Ending!
When the end of your story is reached -- stop! Closing a letter is like taking leave, the instructions for which are, When you have decided to go -- go! Talking about ending a letter and not doing so is poor letter writing. The close of a letter may be considered analogous to the formality of the hand shake. In an intimate letter it is even quite permissible to mention practically the same words that one could utter in taking leave of a friend...
If the idea that the closing takes the place of a handshake in leaving is kept in mind, it will not be difficult to remember that the end of the letter should form the personal connecting link between two people. That is, the last sentences should preferably mention in some way both you and the other person, or some incident in which you both took part or were interested.
For example: I walked down the old boardwalk this evening and how the boards seemed to creak and cry "Where is Charlie? Where is Charlie?" Or The old flat bottom boat seems to miss your weight in the back, and the fish don't seem to bite as they used to, or something of similar nature.
Nevers and Don'ts For Women Letter Writers
- Never, unless engaged, write anything to a man that might be termed sentimental.
- Don't ever say anything that might be interpreted as being eager for a man's attention.
- Never ask a man for explanations, for this implies intimacy.
- Don't say what you don't mean. Read over your letters, particularly those written to men or mentioning men in an offhand way, to avoid the possibility of making statements that might be misinterpreted.
- Never write gossipy or catty inferences about other people. These are bad enough when passed by word of mouth, but seem so much harsher and smaller when placed in black and white -- and they may prove dangerous in more ways than one.
Nevers and Don'ts For Men Letter Writers
Topics to be avoided by men correspondents are largely the same as those listed above for the guidance of women. A few may be added or emphasized.
- Never does a gentleman in the least compromise a woman in any way -- and in a letter such a thing is simply out of the question.
- Never write letters belittling the character or intentions of another man.
- Never discuss matters of a delicate nature in correspondence to a man or a woman.
